Aiight. So like, it’s Valentime’s Day and all, so a lot of ya’ll will probably be having some, if not all of the sex tonight.
So I made a mix to get you through 60 minutes of sex.
The homie Mcfresh made the artwork. Look at his blog and stuff.
These are the songs I’m using to get a vag-snack-pack tonight. Just some of my favorites. I’ll take you through em.
1. SpottieOttieDopaliscious - Outkast
Not necessarily a sexual song, but it doesn’t need to be. It has chill and sexual undertones. See, you just preppin’ them labial doors to be opened. The talking will ease into lip-wars (kissing) during this jam. (Sidenote: anyone else remember that porno on Kazaa that had this song in it?…Just me? Ok.)
2. Set The Mood-The Stampede
My favorite sex rap song. Ever. Beautifully written. It’s sexual without being profane. It holds back without cowardice. Check out more of his work here. Great song to ease under the shirt and over the bra to.
3. Moments In Love- Art of Noise
THE SECOND the synths in the beginning drop, you need to have pop dat bra off buddy.
POP GOES DEM TITTAYS.
Don’t get hung up on the titty residue either, go straight for the tongue on tit action. Something in this song’s sounds just liquifies pantaloons.
4. Ay Get In-The Tay
I’ve never not seen a woman orgasm to this song. And I’ve never lied ever in my entire lifetime. Hear more from this smart, handsome, ninja who I once saw lift a car here.
5. Feeling U Feeling Me - Alicia Keys
It’s pretty fitting that this song doesn’t have that many words, because either one of you should be getting some face-sex at this moment. Or maybe both of you, at the same damn time. Don’t be scared of the pussy.
Dive in.
6. You Belong To Me-Trey Songz
You should be pointing repeatedly and rhythmically to her lady parts singing the chorus of this song. Playing this could be a mistake if you have a younger woman though. She may stan out and ruin your chubby. This is still a great song to ease into the velvety love chasm. In fact, say that as soon as you get in.
“What is this, velvet?”. Trust me. Chicks dig that.
7. Trust-Me’shell Ndegeocello
This song is probably the smoothest, nastiest song on this tape. Smooth and nasty. Like a bacon milkshake. This song perfectly balances vulgarity and sensuality. The girl you have might like hearing something sexually confident from a woman’s perspective too. That’s only if she’s really paying attention to the music, which means your sex game is poo-nuggets. (The jungle congos at the end might throw your stroke off though.)
8. Dot Com-Usher
You see, the song selection I’m going for here chooses songs with tempos that are slower than sex strokes. No speed metal over here. You don’t want to start to mentally compete with the songs. Really great song that she’ll probably know, but won’t distract her too much.
9. Would You Mind - Janet Jackson
This song is gross. I love it. Let her do some of the work during this song. Shit, I need a break woman. Wait, ow ow ow you’re bending it. Oh, but DON’T do what she says at the beginning of the third verse. No offspring round chea.
10. Sensuality Parts 1 & 2 -The Isley Brothers
My dad played this in the whip one day. He said “See nobody knows about this one. This is the one that really gets em”. He looked me in the eyes like
Then I figured he was talking about sex. I Michael Cera’d out yo.
Mad awkward. But this song is the old school sex song you need to break up the familiarity of the songs at this point.
11. Submerge: Until We Become The Sun- Maxwell
This is a beautiful love-making song. Whether or not you all are in love, she will feel like love is being made to her during this song. +1 Life points if you can make her orgasm during the key changes at the end of this song. But that’s neither here nor there.
12. The Greatest Sex- R. Kelly
Kind of obligatory, but I think this song pretty much wraps up the point of what’s going on here. Written excellently. Good enough to come down to. Good stuff.
13. Hard In The Paint Freestyle- Rick Ross + Wacka Flocka
When I asked everyone’s favorite sex song earlier via my twitter, folks kept making the same lame joke.
“LOLZ HARD IN DA PAINT CUZ I GO IN RNS #$WAG”
But then…well…it makes sense to put this at the very end of the tape. See, you’ve been controlling your orgasm for the past 40-55 minutes. After the chick is all done gettin hers its time for you to be gettin yourn. A little going hard in the paint and you’ll be done in no time.
That’s about it. Til round two. Then, you’re on your own kid.
